From a trembling heart to a lighter heart.
Over the last few months, I've been confused and anxious about my plan to resign. The truth is, I don't have any savings or a backup plan, and I still have cats to feed every day. Those fears and doubts continued to pile up inside me.
On January 28, I finally gathered the courage to talk to my father. The moment was simple—we were eating durian together after maghrib. Even though I was nervous and anxious, his answer was surprisingly calming:
"That's okay, you're not making any progress there, so why should you stay? There are many ways to reach China."
It felt as if all the burdens I had been carrying for the past few months suddenly became lighter. For the first time, I felt at ease, because I had my parents' blessing.
On January 29, I had a work discussion with my colleagues and my boss. After discussion ended, I chose that moment to deliver my decision. With my heart pounding, I spoke briefly and clearly:
"Sir, I want to inform you that I have decided to resign from the company."
My boss asked for the reason, I couldn't answer calmly, and my body was trembling:
"I want to look for another experience, Sir."
He replied, "Have you already found another job? Why resign now?"
I answered, "Not yet, Sir. I want to take a break first and focus on crocheting."
He laughed and said, “You can crochet? Then I’ll order something. Make me a sweater.”
I explained, “I’m not able to make sweaters yet, Sir. I’ve only made small items like bags and keychains.”
The conversation was not easy, but it ended well. I closed with gratitude for the opportunity I had been given. It felt like a big step had finally been taken.
Back in the office, my colleagues asked, “Are you really resigning, Sar? Why so sudden?” Their faces showed disbelief, and some even cried. They said things like, “Oh no, without you there won’t be this, there won’t be that…”
One of them told me, “Wow, Sarah, now you’re brave enough to speak up for yourself. That’s a big improvement. It means in the future you’ll be able to say ‘no’ if something doesn’t feel right.” Because during my time here, whenever I was asked to do something, I always said “yes,” even when the situation didn’t allow it.
The trembling feeling lasted for about an hour afterward. I still couldn’t believe it—something I had only practiced at home, only imagined, finally came true with such sudden timing.
Before, I imagined that resigning would bring me immense satisfaction. But after experiencing it, it wasn’t as satisfying as I thought. Maybe I was too emotional before, thinking about resigning when problems and anger were at their peak, so the dopamine of imagining it felt so high. Now, instead, I feel stressed again—wondering what my next job will be, and where my income will come from while I’m not working.
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