Career Reflection: Between Staying and Growing

For the past few years, I've worked in water infrastructure projects. My job is mostly about technical reports, budgeting and project administration. It's stable. It's familiar. But sometimes, I ask myself: is this really where I want to grow?

To be honest, I often feel that I don't deserve this job. I've studied in this field and graduated, but I often feel that my knowledge is not enough. When I look at the wider world of water resources engineering, I feel very small. I only work in the office—a small part of the system. My coworkers are all smart and capable, that it's exhausting to comparing myself to them. I often feel like I'm the weakest one.

Sometimes I wonder why my boss have never fired anyone. If I worked somewhere else, maybe I would have been let go already. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to pay severance? I don't know. But I do know that I feel stuck.

I also don't know if this is the kind of work I truly want. The salary is below minimum. There are no real benefits. I don't feel like I'm growing. I feel lost, without direction or purpose.

Sometimes I ask myself: what am I really working for?
Right now, my only goal is simple: to earn enough money to feed my cat and sometimes treat my little sibling to snacks. That's all. It's not a big dream, but it's what keeps me going.

Still, I often compare myself, my job, and my office to others. There's a saying: "The grass is always greener on the other side." And yes, it really feels true. 

For now, I don't have a clear answer. I'm not sure if I should stay in this field or look for something new. I only know that I can do what is in front of me—small things, simple steps, and the closest tasks.

So for now, I will stay.
Maybe one day I will look for something new, or maybe something unexpected will find me.
I wish…

Photo: Five paper cranes, growing in size from small to large. A quiet reminder that growth takes time, and every step—no matter how small—is part of the journey.